Department of Not A Moment Too Soon

• Rummy
• Britney and K-Fed

And that stupid-ass musical The Times They Are A Changing on Broadway.
Excuse me, but from the first moment I heard it mentioned as a notion, I thought it was the stupidest idea I've ever heard, as offensive as Springtime for Hitler, but with far less possibilities of success.
Why? Why would anybody think that Bob Dylan songs set to tacky dancers is something that works on a stage?
It is what my friend Orlando Leal calls "Inventicide". A suicidal invention. An idea so bad, everybody knows it's suicidal but they go ahead and do it anyway, only to confirm it sucks.
I never saw the Dylan show but I hate it for everything it stands for and I knew it was going to blow.
Why? The Billy Joel show was a piece of revolting crap, and I am being kind. I confess I saw it because I had friends from out of town and that's what they chose. I want to sue the critics who liked it for cruel and unusual punsihment and causing me mental anguish and painful embarrassment I have not been able to shake since. I don't know what they were smoking. Yet Billy Joel at least has enough of a tacky quotient to work on Broadway, for a Broad crowd with a Broad common denominator. Bob Dylan is another story.
Now, as much as I admire some of Dylan's music and his genius, it is pretty clear that the guy is an asshole. So if he can sell his music to sell Victoria's Secret bras and should not expect us to have a conniption about that, he must have thought wtf, I'll just whore myself out wholesale on Broadway.
Why, Bob? Need the money? Didn't you see what the freakishly overrated Miss Tharp did to poor Billy Joel?
Except for the heroic working stiffs who had to make this clunker work every night, I hope everybody else involved in this idiotic show lost their shirts. They deserve financial ruin.

Darfur

Public service ads that are meant to scare us into action have never worked too well for me. I have a feeling that shock tactics tend to alienate people instead of creating empathy. A good exception is The Save Darfur TV campaign. I found it so effective, I went to the website and wrote a check.
There are no refugees in sight in the ad. You see Americans, adults and children, mostly white, reading first hand testimony of atrocities in Darfur. It works. But even if it didn't, one cannot remain indifferent to Darfur.
I urge you to visit the website, learn about the problem, contact your representative, donate:

http://www.savedarfur.org/content

Now, on the Save Darfur website there is a useful introduction to the problem, so we know why the place is such a disaster. However, I guess in the interest of not sounding too political or biased, they neglect to say that the Janjaweed, the marauding murderers who are committing the atrocities and who are sponsored and abetted by the Sudanese government are Muslims and they are killing other Muslims.
We can call on our congresspeople and senators and Bush all we want, but Muslim nations should also be part of the solution. Who better than them to pressure the Sudanese government to stop the genocide? Somehow, the gazillionaire, oil-rich Muslim countries seem quite unconcerned with the fate of their fellow Muslims in Darfur.

Emperador Elias

We could talk about the "What Took Em So Long Department": Britney Spears, who finally decided to dump her trashy consort, or Bush who finally decided to dump his toxic military sidekick.
We could celebrate Virginia's win til there's no tomorrow. And we shall.
But since it's Friday, we are going to talk about El Emperador Elias, a favorite Dominican joint of mine on Broadway in Williamsburg. Why? Because it is important that you know that there is such a joint in this town. And it is even more important that you fight to the death the ridiculous notion that the city is going to ban transfats from restaurants. If they do that, as this piece in The New Yorker points out, that will be the anihilation of good food in this city. THIS CAN'T HAPPEN.
Okay, now.
Until recently, as you got off the J train in Marcy Ave (yes, the J, get over it) and walked towards Peter Luger on Broadway, you walked by a pretty crummy storefront where you saw the usual yummy stuff swimming in grease. As you entered, mesmerized by the very good looking roast chicken and its attendant aromas, you realized you were in some sort of Mesopotamian temple with Greek influences that happens to serve Dominican food. The decor of the place is worth the stop, even if you are a vegan. This is one greasy spoon with imperial pretensions. Hence the name.
Well, they have spiffed up the storefront with a shiny new display case, meticulously Windexed, showing yummy stuff still swimming in grease.
Luckily, they have left the Mesopotamian-Egyptian-Nero's-Rome-by-way-of-the-Flintstones decor quite intact.
There are several worthy reasons to patronize Emperador Elias:
• The roast chicken is moist and delicious, the rice and beans are great and the rest of the food looks really good too.
• The waitresses call you "mami" (or papi), "corazón" or "mi amor".
• They have mofongo, the gastronomic plutonium bomb.
• For $16 you get a whole roast chicken, a huge container of excellent rice (white or yellow), a big container of fantastic red beans (miraculously non-flatulent, I might add), a generous side order of sweet plantains, aka "maduros " and a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi. Screw Peter Luger.
Also, because everything is ready in 2 minutes but for some reason you have to wait for the maduros like three hours, the man behind the counter, who I assume is Emperor Elias Jr., gave me a freebie (Greek coffee) cup of chicken noodle soup while I waited. He also hit on me big time. I noticed he didn't offer no freebie to the guy before me.
In any case, here's our seductive repartee, conducted in Spanish, and translated for your enjoyment:

- What is the lovely girl from el DF gonna want tonight?
- How did you know I'm from el DF?
- I hear the accent, mami.
I place my order.
- And your husband, he from Mexico?, he asks, utterly certain about my marital status. I realize now that this is a ploy to make me think he respects me so much, I must be married.
In the interest of self-preservation, I answer:
- No, he's from here.
He makes a dissappointed face. Like a sad clown in a velvet painting.
- White or "moreno"? (meaning Black).
- White.
- You don't like morenos?
- I like everything, but I just happened to like him.
- And how long you been married?
- 14 years.
- How many children?
- Not a one.
- Your husband is lazy. Does he have children?
- No. None that I know of.
This makes him laugh.
- And what do you do here, mami?
- I write commercials.
- Oh, you are a very intelligent young woman.
To the waitress:
- So where are the maduros for this child from Guadalajara?
- I'm not from Guadalajara, I'm from el DF.
- Oh. They're not the same?

Emperador Elias has something called Mexican Corner on the menu. Don't go there.
Otherwise, Emperador Elias is on Broadway and Marcy. Williamsburg.

They don't get the joke

I haven't seen Borat, but by now I know it is an equal opportunity offender. It's funny that the Russians apparently are going to censor the movie because:

The Federal Agency for Culture and Cinematography said the film could offend some viewers and contained material that "might seem disparaging in relation to certain ethnic groups and religions," according to Vadim Ivanov, theatrical sales director at Twentieth Century Fox C.I.S.

Perhaps it reflects them all too well.

All I can say is WOW

The Mexico City Assembly has approved 43 to 17 a law legalizing gay civil unions in my hometown DF. I'm speechless. For a country that is immensely, deeply, traditionally homophobic, I'm very surprised and very happily so. It goes to show that here and anyehere else, civil unions are the right thing to do. Gay couples need not be legally discriminated and should be able to enjoy all the benefits that the law gives to everyone else. It's as simple as that. If it makes people feel better by calling it a union instead of marriage, so be it. You can call it whatever you want as long as it's fair.
I'm sure that a lot of conservative people had a heart attack, but the illegality of discriminating against somebody over their sexual orientation is incontrovertible and unfair and morally, legally and ethically wrong. So bravo to the assemblypeople who made it happen. Perhaps the rest of the country can follow suit.

Viva Nancy

Now that we are all so happy celebrating the midterms, let's not get too carried away. Because I'm pretty sure soon we are going back to business as usual in Washington. I just hope that the Democrats remember why we put them there and they do what we expect them to.

Nancy Pelosi, who for some people is like the Antichrist, is what some disparagingly call "a San Francisco Liberal". I think that's a neat thing to be and instead of it being some kind of insult, she should wear the distinction proudly. People are afraid that she is too radical:

The Republicans have already sought to play on conservative voters' fears by portraying her as the embodiment of everything they dislike most about the Democrats, with campaign ads suggesting she will raise taxes, help illegal immigrants and back same-sex marriage. ALL OF WHICH I AM IN FAVOR OF.

Meanwhile, for many within her party she represents a new hope that the Democrats can make their mark after a decade on the fringes of power.

Fiercely partisan

In campaign speeches, Ms Pelosi has been setting out an agenda for the first 100 hours of a Democrat-led House. On the list are:

• bringing in rules to break links between lobbyists and legislation YEY!
  
• enacting all the 9/11 Commission recommendations YEY!
  
• raising the minimum wage YEY!
  
• expanding stem cell research YEY!
  

She has, however, ruled out attempting to impeach President George W Bush, as some in her party have suggested. BOO!

There are those within the Democrat camp who question whether she may prove too liberal for the moderates they hope to win over in the mid-term elections.

Democrats who think she is too liberal are cowards. I thought that her views are what the Democratic party is supposed to stand for and they are the only reason why I am a registered Democrat, although I'm telling you, every election I feel like registering as an independent, it's so depressing.

What a difference a day makes...

But it had to take the referendum of the entire American nation to convince Bush that we were not buying his stupid war and much less the terrible circumstances that Rummy has envisioned for it, with spectacular arrogance and disregard, contempt even for his own troops. Meanwhile, how many American soldiers and Iraqi civilians were killed and maimed because of an absurd, untenable policy? For how long have many respected military leaders complained bitterly about the Secretary of Defense? The short answer is since the war started. But the Bush administration thought it could ignore and subvert and disrespect the public outcry.
I think Karl Rove, Rummy and Cheney should be hanged for treason to this country. They could be good company for Saddam.
Still, at least we have the comfort that the people spoke and Bush had no choice but to do something about it, even though until before yesterday he had no intention of changing anything. The putz.

By the way, if you are having a conniption over Daniel Ortega winning in Nicaragua, you can blame the Bush administration. It is not a coincidence that so many south of the border nations are leaning left (Chavez, Lula, Evo, Kirchner, Bachelet and now Ortega). Inequality and poverty are rampant in Latin America and so is the US indifference to it. Obviously, the US is not only not providing any guidance or solidarity or even a perspective, it has basically abandoned any semblance of coherent, constructive foreign policy in it's own backyard. The building of a wall with Mexico does not help matters. The standing of the US in the world is at it's lowest possible nadir, and so these left-leaning choices are a reflection of this. Hopefully, things may change a bit with the new congress (don't get your hopes too high).

I once heard Comandante Daniel Ortega speak in Mexico City, aeons ago, sometime in the late 80's.
I was dragged there by a friend.
In the mold of his hero, Fidel, Ortega spoke numbingly, excrutiatingly for about two hours about nothing that was remotely connected to reality. He suffered from the kind of diarrhea of the mouth that afflicts leftist revolutionary leaders who have a penchant for fatigues (and for fatiguing their audiences with cliches). Not that I expected much, but he managed to disappoint me deeply.

Praise the lord!

Hallelujah! You did it!
Santorum is out, (which brought out a huge ovation at the Daily Show) Ohio is won, Kathleen Harris, the Florida Monster, is out too. There is so much to rejoice about... I don't know yet if the Dems got the 15 seats they needed to take control, but last I heard they had 12. Way to go.
Note to Bush: the fact that you are stupid doesn't mean this entire nation is stupider than you.
Perhaps now you will fire Rummy, not out of conviction, but to save some face, you disgraceful turd.

Today is the day

To end the disaster that is this country right now. Or at least to get a head start until that bozo we have for a President finally leaves us alone. Two long years from now. But never mind that, today is the day you my friends, get out and vote Blue. Vote against the Republican disgrace. Your country will thank you. Forever.

Overheard in the bus

On the bus from Williamsburg to Bushwick I overheard a conversation in Spanish between an middle aged, sweet looking guy with a cane, and a young woman with frizzy, dyed, overgelled hair.
Imagine a regular conversation between neighbors or relatives, but instead of talking about the sins normal people commit (cheating, boozing, taking up smoking again, being a bulimic, not taking the garbage out), this was about criminal activity. Someone's seventy year-old mother got sent to jail because her sons were hiding the drugs in the house and the bastards let her take the rap, the poor woman. Then the guy recounts his many experiences with the lawless and gives the young girl a lesson on criminal ethics. "If I am carrying a revolver and you don't know and then you become an accessory, it's wrong for me not to tell you; but if you know it and you still want to stick around, well then that's your problem." Then he describes to her somebody who was knifed. "You should have seen how they left him, sister", he says, "any place where he didn't think he was going to get stabbed, they stabbed him." Our Eliza Doolitle doesn't bat an eye.
Then our Pygmalion here expounds at length about the reasons he got sent to jail several times, yet somehow he never had anything to do with it. The first time, he was just standing there; the second time, he got in with the wrong crowd; the third time, he swears by the most holy he had no idea, etc.
This, by the way, is not whispered discreetly as a shared secret. I was sitting two rows away and heard it loud and clear.