Thursday, March 01, 2012

Let's Rant Today

We haven't done it in soooo long, it's starting to feel like this Enchilada has lost her kick, but we can always count on someone to get a rise out of us, so here goes:

Yesterday, attending a performance of Other Desert Cities on Broadway, the guy stuffing the seat in front of me is wearing a white baseball cap. Every time he moves his head, instead of the stage, I see a huge blob of visor, flap or however you call it. This has happened before. Usually people take off their headgear as the lights go down, and in case they don't, one only has to ask politely and people will comply.
I had a feeling that with this individual it wasn't gonna be so easy. Who wears a white baseball cap to a Broadway play at 8 pm at night? In the sweetest voice I could muster, I said:
Sorry to disturb you, but will you please remove your cap when the play begins?
It is disturbing my view.
You will see just fine.
No I won't.
Even in the dark?
I considered calling the usher, but there were plenty of empty seats around me so I switched seats and I let it go, not before saying:
"I want you to know that this is extremely rude and in bad taste. I asked you politely". 
Then I muttered "stupid people with caps" and "asshole" sotto voce, for dramatic flourish.
Now, if the guy had said, "I have a protuberance the size of Nairobi that will distract you far more than the lousy cap", or "you really don't want to have my naked pate with random hairs in front of you, lady, it's a horror show", or seriously, "I have a medical condition and I can't do that for you", I would have been empathetic.
But where the hell do neurotic New Yorkers get off with this sense of entitled self-pity? ME ME ME! I am special, so screw anybody else. Whatever happened to manners? Back in the day, you had to remove your hat any time you went inside. Those were the rules. Hey, back in the day people would go to Broadway in evening attire, not jeans and sneakers. I wished I could channel Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey and give this whiner a piece of my mind. I hate that show (oh yes I do) but Maggie Smith is God's gift to mankind. She is immortal.
I am addicted to Farmland Dairies Skim Plus Chocolate Milk with Omega-3. I have a bowl (or two) of that with Cheerios every night and I credit this diet with losing 7-8 pounds since the Summer. Roll your eyes as much as you want. The milk is creamy, tastes strongly of chocolate, and last time I had a cholesterol screening, my good cholesterol went up. Heaven. Now, this baby does not come cheap: almost six bucks for a half gallon. I guzzle it like a Hummer guzzles gas. Alas, the last two times I bought it, it had changed. Gone was the creaminess, gone was the chocolatey flavor, now it was plain mediocre milk with a faint taste of chocolate. The price, however, remains the same, if it has not gone up. In the Morton Williams in front of my house, prices rise by the hour. Anyway, you bet I gave them a call. And spoke at length about my disgruntlement to the answering machine. Very politely, but not, as devastatingly as Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey.


  1. tova in toronto1:04 PM

    Apropos Downton, you might enjoy reading this essay:

  2. You know, Tova, I never saw the first season but I did watch a couple of episodes of the new one and I just couldn't feel the love. I thought it was overwrought and tacky and except for Elizabeth McGovern, who can do no wrong, and Maggie Smith, who is Immortal, I disliked it intensely. Does not hold a candle to Upstairs Downstairs.
    Thanks for reading and sharing that piece!

  3. tova in toronto2:36 PM

    This will tell you how ancient I am, but I also adored Upstairs Downstairs, which I used to watch in Israel. There is, apparently, a new version, but I can imagine that it has to be disappointing altho' it still has Jean Marsh in it. I watched Season 2 of D.A. and am now sort of following it in Season 1 (yes, backwards, hey, its the story of my life!). I am also critical of it, but as you say Maggie has the best lines and the delivery of a skilled surgeon. She makes it all worthwhile. Shabbat shalom.

  4. tova in toronto2:41 PM

    oh, and yes, as far as that bozo in the baseball cap is concerned, I would have happily gone to the concession stands to pay their exorbitant prices and bought a super big drink, asked them to fill it with extra ice, and then accidentally tripped while getting back into my seat, and OMG, quelle horreur, all over this dude with a baseball cap on. Seriously, accidents do happen and one never knows when one might fall with a big drink in the dark.

  5. In matters of TV watching, I would love to hear what you think about this D.F. program, En Materia de Pescado: It is highly addictive, and a wonderfully crafted food show . There is another show I got hooked on before it, hosted by obnoxious Bruno Bichir, but I think this one is 100 times better.

    An interested long-time Enchilada reader,


  6. I like them both! Anything that Mexicans do to appreciate the genius of our cuisine is necessary and welcome. Thanks for reading Aurora!