Experiment

I realized that I never got as many readers as when I mentioned the words "Paris Hilton".
Gotta thank the skank.
Somebody told me her grandpa cut her out of his will. As if that is going to leave her destitute. She is a shrewd self-marketer. Go to any third world country and you will see her unbelievably disturbing giant mug plastered all over town selling cheap perfume and handbags and who knows what else. Too late, gramps. She is probably richer than you.
So the experiment is, I want to see how many more hits I get just by inserting those two words into my blog. Also, I'll add a sprinkling of Britney Spears, Linsday Lohan and Nicole Ritchie, see if I can break any records.
Results to be posted as soon as they are available.

Paris is out...

...and I'm off to Paris! France!
How do they say "Yeehah" in French?
I will soon find out, for the purpose of the trip is I'm going to learn that maddening language once and for all.
Hold on a sec. The New York Times on the internets has a picture of Paris Hilton on the front page. Like this is the most important news of the day. Apparently, she is going to be interviewed (for no money!) by living cadaver Larry King, who scratched a scheduled interview with filmmaker Michael Moore to talk to the celebutard. Because Paris' time in the slammer is more important than healthcare in this country. Whatever. I've stopped caring.
I'm off to Paris and I will be blogging from there, internets connections willing. Au revoir, les enfants!

New Photo of The Week

Gotta love this mug shot. Mug shots are the new headshots, people! And jail is the new pijama party!

The ditz was released from jail into house arrest because SHE COULDN'T SLEEP! I thought she never slept already, what with the midnight porn videos and the general partying, but what do I know.
The LA Sheriff's Department's, fittingly histrionic, Hollywood cliché: "She has paid her debt to society."
No, she hasn't. This is what would pay her debt to society: send her to a Gulag in Siberia with no return ticket. Society would be forever grateful.

Carmen Miranda Rights

I saw Paris Hilton's lawyer on TV. I had sworn to myself not to pollute this blog with a mention of her name. But after watching the lawyer, I have to comment. Apparently the sentence this hateful girl got was exaggerated. I can believe that. The lawyer kept trying to make her into some sort of celebrity martyr but I don't think anyone was buying it. He kept saying (I paraphrase lightly): "The LA Sheriff's department has been so nice to us. They have gone out of their way to be so nice to us. And Paris, though it would be better for her to be held with the general population, because time may pass by faster for her in the company of other inmates (the level of spin makes my head spin), poor little Paris was put in administrative seclusion, in a tiny little cell where she's all by herself 24/7 (no doubt because the Sheriff wants her to preserve all her teeth, since there is little else worth preserving).
I think this is very fitting punishment, not for the driving violation, but for her annoying public life that she foists upon us at the slightest provocation. Spending some time alone for the first time in her life with her puny self should be punishment enough to last her a lifetime. Maybe the tenth circle of hell is actually being Paris Hilton in the company of herself.
Don't get me wrong: it is entirely possible that in person she is delightful, wise and urbane. However, the persona she has chosen to impress upon us is highly obnoxious, vapid and dumb. And even I, who try to ignore her to the best of my abilities, I'm sick of it.
As for the LA Sheriff department being so nice, I can imagine no other inmate has ever complained about this kind of behavior from them. It is revolting that celebrities get better treatment than everybody else. Revolting.
And somebody is going to tell me, well they have to treat them nice because celebrities could be made into picadillo in the slammer. Well you know what, they should think about that before they flaunt their disregard for the law, expecting, as they do, that special treatment is always going to save their ass.