I hear raves about this Rockaway Taco place. We pass by and the line of hipsters threatens to engulf all of Brooklyn. This immediately makes me suspicious, plus there is no way I'm standing in line for this, even though a taco right now would really come in handy. However, it's not only the hipsters that scare me off.
When you go to a really crowded taco place in Mexico, you NEVER have to wait more than a couple of minutes for your taco. The reason is that Mexican taqueros are like the Samurais of food. Their speed and agility are legend. It doesn't take them forever to assemble a taco. They do it so fast, their hands are a blur. This is important because the whole point of the taco is to satisfy your hunger fast and to be hot and right off the grill and not sitting there waiting for someone to add unnecessary radishes and shreds of insipid iceberg lettuce that have no point being anywhere near a taco. No gringo place that I know has been able to master the Mexican taco system. None. So as we say in Spanish, tache for slowness.
Then, the mother of all horrors: they sell Tofu tacos.
American people, lines must be drawn. I appreciate your obsession with melting pots and hybrids but tofu tacos is a resounding NO. WAY. IN. HELL.
There is absolutely no need for a tofu taco. You can have the tastiest vegetarian tacos, you can have bean tacos, if you need the protein. A tofu taco is a huge red flag and I'm not buying it.
Interestingly, we were there with my friend Maribel, the proud owner of the delicious Caracas Arepa Bar chain of Venezuelan restaurants.
"Why not a tofu taco?", she said.
"Imagine for a moment, Maribel, a tofu arepa", said none other than The Magnificent Arepa herself. Maribel's face contorted into a minute grimace.
I bet she would not serve that even at gunpoint. Not even to Chavez on his deathbed (whether to save him or to finish him off).
Love our food, respect our food, play around, if you must, with our food, but it better make sense.