Monday, December 19, 2005

Good News! POTUS still has no mistakes to report

I just watched my first POTUS press conference ever. I try to avoid them, since just looking at the guy gives me heartburn. But this time I was a captive audience at the gym and plugged myself in to see if POTUS had any words of reassurance on how this country is fast becoming a police state. He did indeed confirm we're on the right track to a police state and also why I can't bear to watch him speak: he is so utterly incompetent, he scares the living daylights out of me.
The New York Times report linked in this post (click on the title) makes Bush sound as eloquent and articulate as John Gielgud, when in fact, he speaks like a moron. Here's my report from the treadmill:
Bush called this press conference to defend himself over charges of illegal government surveillance on Americans, but, sounding like a sales rep for Verizon, made it clear there is nothing to worry about if you are placing domestic calls within the United States; just if you happen to call Karachi or Islamabad or Tehran or some such Middle Eastern hellhole where they are waging a war against us. No need to worry (yet) about your weekly phone sex conversations, unless they happen to take place with someone who wears a burka.
Bush speaks to journalists in the same patronizing tone that he might have used with the kindergartners he visited on that fateful day in 2001, had he been able to stick around and chat for more than seven minutes. One of the journalists, (sheepish looking guys who scribble furiously like obedient little students), prefaced his question by solemnly congratulating POTUS on being so candid with the American people lately, a strategy devised to warn him, "here comes a toughie, potus, prick up your ears, now". The question, which needed no such introduction, was: so have you rethought your position about whether you may have made any mistakes in Iraq, the war on terror, etc? The answer, in a nutshell, was NOPE. NO MISTAKES FROM POTUS WHATSOEVER. EVER. Then POTUS got really angry at the reporter from the Washington Post for suggesting that the surveillance program was "symptomatic of unchecked power in the presidency". You could see he was about to stick his tongue out in protest. The Washington Post guy looked as if he had been sent to his room with no TV for a week.
In his rambling, simplistic, almost incoherent answers, among other things Bush confused Osama with Saddam (what the heck, they're all the same), and talked extensively about how people love freedom so much that when they see a democracy imposed by a lengthy and bloody occupation, they'll want to have one just like that.
He repeatedly defended the trampling of Americans' constitutional rights by insisting that this is what Americans expect him to do (defend us from terror) and by invoking the need to act quickly, because the bad guys adapt constantly to new situations. And speaking of acting quickly, any news on the whereabouts of Osama yet?


  1. the Unknown Blogger6:26 PM

    Nice post but I have to be honest and say I hate that term POTUS. And SCOTUS. Unless we start using them for everything:

    Vice President: VPOTUS
    Secretary of State: SOSOTUS
    Attorney General: AGOTUS
    Secretary of Defense: SODOTUS (hey, I really like that one!)

    you get the idea.

  2. I love the word POTUS my dear UB. It sounds idiotic, just like the guy who currently holds the title.

  3. slumbering giant of public opinion...10:02 AM

    Yes, every time I hear POTUS, I imagine a platypotus.

    I'm wondering if this may in fact be an acronym --

    L-acking in
    A-cumen or

  4. Dear SGOPO: Thanks for posting! This just in: The Association for the Advancement and Integrity of the Platypus is suing you for defamation of character, and for gross misspelling of an acronym: it's not Yattering, it's Yikes!