Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Soccer madness

Your Enchilada, having nothing better to do with her life, has become a devoted World Cup commentator, despite the fact that she still does not understand the concept of the "off side", and at this rate, never will. Here are some of her musings on the beautiful game.

Mexico 3 Iran 1. Goody!
Czechs 3 USA 0. Very Baddy.

• WTF with coach Arena? He was biting his nails like a schoolboy and completely absent from the proceedings. He looked distracted and listless. I haven't heard the breast beating from anyone, and I'm not interested, but I prefer the Mexican coach, who is actually from Argentina, brazenly smoking a cigarette while the team runs their asses ragged on the very big soccer field.

• The ABC commentators SUUUUUUUCK. You wouldn't know if somebody scored because they barely fail to register the fact when it happens, they are too busy talking politics (in the Mexico-Iran game).
I hate Ahmadinejad as much as anybody, but freaking focus on the game! They spent most of the time talking about nuclear war and when not talking about that, they were going on and on and on and on about the two players in the Mexican team who are naturalized citizens, one from Argentina and one from Brazil. Meanwhile, let me tell you that the American obsession with stats does not translate to soccer. We don't give a shit how many times somebody kicked the ball with his left shin, ok?

• Maybe when you listen to Univision it's as if your deaf uncle is screaming in your ear all the time, but it does make it more exciting. The Univision guys have this thing they ask each other how they rate the referree and they give him a number from 0 to 10. Charming. They talk about the game and only the game, and today in a bit of a macho display, about the beauty of the Croatian women (which somehow much surprised them. I guess they imagined old babushkas with hairy moles on their noses). Then one guy says, and the Brazilian women too, and the other guy says, yes, but we knew that already.

• Meanwhile it is downright miraculous that there are no uplifting stories about players who were raised in the mud by their blind grandma or horrid travelogues about what's to like in Germany, besides the beer and the sausage. It's just about the game, which is how it should be.

• Brazil 1 Croatia 0
There were a few moments of beauty with Ronaldinho doing fancy footwork with the ball, but the Croats did not let the Brazilians breathe, they really crowded them and it was a closed and frustrating game. Good for the Croats, whose fans were so happy at how well they played that they were cheering like maniacs even though they lost. Brazil, they are my favorites, but I'm afraid there are too many stars in that team. They need to not show off so much and play like the soccer genii they are.

• This has nothing to do with soccer, but I don't understand why the hullaballoo about the circumstances in which that subhuman murderer, lowest of the low, Zarqawi died. He deserved that someone kick the living daylights out of him. If they did it, good for them and if they didn't it's fine too. He was a monster.

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