Thursday, February 16, 2006

No pity for hunters

Before I get letters of complaint about how dare I call that poor schmo that got shot in the face an old fart, let me tell you something. I have no pity for hunters. That pastime is for idiots. They dress like idiots and they behave like idiots.
Don't get me wrong: I'm no animal lover either. I hate pets and the people who have them. I hate the people who have pets more than I hate the pets. I hate the dog owners in NYC that think that the biggest snowfall in memory is a reason not to pick their dog turds off the snow. Dudes, if you can pick it off the thoroughly disgusting NYC asphalt, why can't you scoop it off the formerly pristine snow? Too cold?
In fact, in this respect, I do PETA one better (I loathe them as well):
I think that all people who have pets are animal abusers. Human beings should leave animals alone.
It is the apex of arrogance to leave a poor dog slumped at home all day and then feel like a hero when you deign to come back a trillion hours later and take the poor schmo for a pee and a dump. What gives you the right? Dogs can't read, watch TV, have a beer, or call their friends. Neither can cats, or guppies or tarantulas or hamsters. You are boring them to death. Think about it: maybe there are other ways that can make you feel that you are the center of the universe.

And before all my friends who have pets stop talking to me, you know I adore you. But I do hate pets.

None of my friends are hunters.


  1. Ummm.....what do you propose we do with all the millions of dogs and cats if we don't provide for them in our homes?

    I have a cat, and it's not to make myself feel like the center of the world.

  2. My dear Not a Hipster, and i'm so glad you aren't one cause I ain't one either. Yours is a very thoughtful question. Many dogs and cats are bred so that people can stuff them in their Jimmy Choo Ramona Bags or whatever. Their original purpose, as hunters, shepherds etc, is gone the way of the dodo in the big urban centers. I lived in a certain Middle Eastern city that had a feral cat population that ate garbage and controlled mice and roaches. Those felines were fearsome and made themselves useful. They were the coolest. I've no doubt you love your cat to pieces and he is a lucky little pet. But I oppose having pets as vanity projects and breeding animals so that people can parade them and keep them locked up in apartments. Thanks for responding...

  3. I agree that pets should not be vanity projects, but I'm sure you know that although some people do that, most do not.

    I responded to your blog after seeing your post on toosaucy. I found your comment about pets quite interesting, seeing as I know a fairly large number of vegans who live and breathe animal rights, and none of them are against providing a home for animals that would otherwise be euthanized.

    But yeah, when someone is parading around a mini terrier in their coach purse, I wanna kick them in the mouth. I got you there.