FRIED COKE

This is the best news item I've run across the entire week. Some enterprising guy, a Latino to boot, has invented fried coke.
Not cocaine wrapped in tempura, which in itself is not a bad idea, but actually fried coca-cola.
You got to hand it to this country: no matter how much the Cassandras of obesity make themselves hoarse with dire pronouncements about the evils of fatness, we shall not cease from stuffing ourselves with the most noxious concoctions in the name of gorging ourselves silly. The recipe sounds like you could get an anaphylactic shock just from smelling it, but excess sugar has never stopped anyone in this country from pursuing this particular brand of happiness.

Abel Gonzales, 36, a computer analyst from Dallas, tried about 15 different varieties before coming up with his perfect recipe -- a batter mix made with Coca-Cola syrup, a drizzle of strawberry syrup, and some strawberries.

Balls of the batter are then deep-fried, ending up like ping-pong ball sized doughnuts which are then served in a cup, topped with Coca-Cola syrup, whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry on the top.

Yum.
Hell, maybe since people in Texas and other Red states are not really allowed to have sex with whoever they really want, and they are all so burdened by the exacting toll of righteoussness, all they can do to sin (apart from keeping guns at home and voting Republican) is stuff themselves with sweets.
If you want to finish our enemies, ply 'em with fried coke; it will be at least a merciful death.