Friday, October 20, 2006

Horrid Entertainment News

Because it's Friday:
I don't know about you, but I sometimes amuse myself by reading WENN Celebrity news at imdb. Here's a digest of today's queasy making items:

1. Malawi Orphans are the new Black.

I think Madonna is full of shit. I don't care about her new Malawi Orphan, little David. I just wonder if his father is set for life, as I assume he is. I somehow don't think the father of little David will remain mired in poverty as his little child grows up bickering with Lourdes and Mini Guy Ritchie. And he certainly shouldn't. I'm not one of those who thinks, like some human rights organizations, that the kid should be sent back to the freaking orphanage. But I do wonder why she couldn't have picked a totally parentless kid. Little David sure is cute. I wish him and both his old and new family the best.
Now I think Madge is full of shit for allowing NBC to air her stupid show without the stupid crucifixion scene. I don't particularly care for her stupid p.r. antics, or for her stale need to shock with easy targets, but she should show some spine and not censor herself for primetime.
As soon as plans to broadcast the concert were made public, the network began receiving criticism from several family and religious groups. The American Family Association has been one of the most vocal groups against airing the special and even threatened to have its members boycott companies that ran commercials during the show.
Just the perfect reason for including the scene, with a cherry on top. If Madonna starts giving in to these bastards, then truly really, nothing is sacred any more. So let the four members of the AFA who live in Kansas boycott Velveeta. Like we give a fuck.

2. Department of the Grotesque
Anna Nicole Smith paid her last respects to her son Daniel Smith in the Bahamas yesterday, a month after the 20-year-old died in his mother's hospital room.

But first, the wedding! This I don't understand. Is it legal to keep someone unburied for a month? Everything about this woman is really in the worst possible taste.

A private memorial service was held at Lakeview Memorial Gardens and Mausoleums cemetery on Nassau with 25 mourners in attendance. Insiders claim Daniel, who died of a lethal combination of drugs on 10 September, was buried in an open casket, wearing his favorite clothing - jeans, a T-shirt and a trucker cap.

What do you mean buried in an open casket? Eeeewwww!!!!! That is so goyish, to say the least. Never mind the unfortunate sartorial choices of the deceased.

According to sources, Smith was escorted from her home in the Bahamas to Butler's Funeral Home, where her son's body has been lying since his autopsy.

While she's busy having a wedding and no doubt breastfeeding around the clock (silicone milk, yum).

Island police were assigned to escort the grieving mother, partner Howard K. Stern and local dignitaries (I shudder to think) to the gravesite nearby. Daniel's body was transported to his final resting place in a gold hearse. Island Baptist Bishop Neil Ellis conducted the service. In a eulogy delivered by Stern, the attorney who was set to become the dead boy's stepfather, said, "Anna Nicole Smith laid her son to rest today. It was the most difficult day of her entire life."
3. Magical Mystery Tour. NOT!

I never really liked Paul McCartney. Of the Beatles, he was not my favorite. That special place was reserved for George, pre-Swami vegetarian yogic mishegoss. Paul seemed a little sappy for my taste. But.
Do we really believe he hit and abused that terrible young shrew he married WITHOUT A PRENUP, because it was UNROMANTIC? I do believe he may have consumed drugs, and I would almost be offended if he didn't, what with the Magical Mystery Tour and Sgt. Pepper and such, but that he hit her?
The accusations include allegations that McCartney shoved Mills over a coffee table, stabbed her with a broken wine glass stem and verbally humiliated her in front of business associates, family and staff.

The documents also alleged that the musician used illegal drugs and consumed "alcohol to excess."

If I, who don't even like him, have trouble believing these claims, I bet she's going to have a very tough time trying to convince public opinion in England and the rest of the world that all of a sudden, a man who was happily married and had what seems a happy and healthy family for many years, suddenly became a completely different type of person. I know feminists are going to put a bounty on my head, but if he did indeed hit her, perhaps she was asking for it. She seems like a total opportunistic bitch, missing leg notwithstanding.

People Magazine has estimated McCartney's worth at more than $1.6 billion. There are reports that he offered Mills a quick divorce settlement of $60 million in September, but that she rejected it.
Maybe 60 mil is chump change and a tad tightfisted for someone with a 1.6 billion fortune. But for four measly years of marriage, I would not say no to 60 million. Bitch.

4. It Could Happen to You.

Here's an item that will cheer up all my single girlfriends in NY: You can still get married at the age of 79! Having dated a guy 34 years your junior for 22 years of dating bliss:
Italian actress Gina Lollobrigida is set to marry a man who is 34 years her junior. The 79-year-old star, referred to as the most beautiful woman in the world in her youth, met Spanish husband-to-be Javier Rigau y Rafols at a party in Monte Carlo and the two have been dating for 22 years. The star, who is affectionately known as "La Lollo" in Italy, says, "We wanted for this to happen sooner, but it just wasn't possible." The couple will tie the knot in New York City before the end of the year.
What could have possibly prevented them from getting married over 22 years, only they know.
But the wedding is here in our very own NYC, and I think we should all crash it.

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