Pu pu platter

Alert the media! Stop the presses! Chinese food is fattening and full of salt! OMG! You don't say!
The penchant in this country for turning the obvious into hysterical revelations never ceases to amaze me. As if nobody who has ever been inside a Chinese restaurant didn't know this.
Some individual named Bonnie Liebman of a dubious outfit called Center for Science in the Public Interest, has deemed also that the most unhealthy foods after Chinese are Mexican and Italian.
Boy, do I take issue with this.
1. We all know that Chinese food is a barrel of salt and fat. That is precisely why we like it. And no, we're not going to hold the soy sauce or ask for brown rice, because that is like going to Disneyland and skipping the rides. Instead of giving idiotic advice like that it would be better if they just told you not to eat it. On the other hand, anybody who is against Chinese food is against me. I don't see how my intake of Shanghai style soup dumplings or sticky rice is in the public interest. Screw you, Bonnie Liebman. I challenge you to a duel to see who can eat more soup dumplings. (I once ate 12 and had to walk the length of the Manhattan bridge and back to digest. Two weeks later I still felt like I had eaten the Great Wall of China). Plus, let the record state that the aforementioned Chinese food is best washed down with coca-cola (not diet coke, ever).
2. How dare Bonnie Liebman say that Mexican and Italian food are unhealthy? Perhaps what passes for Mexican food in these parts is unhealthy; it also mostly sucks. And perhaps Bonnie's idea of Italian is Pizza Hut, where, not content with ruining pizza, they put cheese inside the crust (barf).
Let me point out that Mexican food, when done right, is always made with fresh ingredients and lots of vegetables and good things. A typical Mexican main dish has like the entire food pyramid in it. As for Italian food, yes if you only eat calzone and cannoli you may get as big as Tony Soprano. But good Italian food is part of the mediterranean diet and you don't see that many fat asses in Italy as you see here. So don't be blaming the foods.
3. This is nothing but a conspiracy to take the pleasure of eating away from us. There are people in this country who think that enjoying food is sinful, and they will do their utmost to thwart the happy, healthy pleasure of eating well.
To which I say, fuck 'em. Eating well is the best revenge.