Poor Britney

Since MTV is the most irrelevant entertainment in the world after Miss Universe, at least we have the internets to alert us to the fact that there were MTV music video awards yesterday, in which poor Britney Spears performed. This girl needs a good consigliere fast.
Let me point out that I couldn't give a shit about Britney Spears and her troubles, except inasmuch as she brings up my pageviews today; but as I read all over my computer screen that she looked fat, I had to see for myself. She looked comatose, lobotomized, and utterly farblondget, but I'm extremely concerned by the fact that news reports said she looked fat. She may have seemed a little chunkier than her normal prancing self when she was 17 years old, but for a trailer trash woman with two babies and a steady diet of cheetos, she looked fine to me, as she was wearing only sparkly panties and a bra (and a potentially wayward wig).
Please do take a look at the growing numbers of obscenely obese people in this country (at your nearest mirror), and then tell me in all seriousness that Britney looks fat. It's not fair.

Why do people hire Sarah Silverman? She is the most unfunny, obnoxious woman in the annals of comedy, perhaps the history of the world. But her leaden, mean-spirited, witless shtick served a purpose yesterday. She made me pity poor Britney.