Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Stop Street Fairs Now

Dear Mayor Mike:

I'm thrilled you are sending the Republicans packing. You were never really one of them anyway. Now it looks like you want to run for president as an independent. Cool. Knock yourself out (but you should finish your mandate here in the city first). But if you do run for POTUS, I may not vote for you (and I've voted for you twice now already) because of the following:
Street fairs.
You want my vote? Get rid of street fairs NOW.
I'm sure they must bring some revenue to the city; otherwise I do not understand the reason for their continued insistence on making life in this city a living, breathing hell of putrid merchandise.

1. They all sell the same useless shit (stale cosmetics, Peruvian sweaters, bad linen, ugly socks)
2. They all have the same terrible food
3. They create horrid gridlock on weekends
4. They leave garbage in their wake
5. Nobody gives a shit about them
6. I feel like setting them on fire

A recent Saturday I had to make my way to midtown. In fact, I was going to direct my own film. I decided to take a cab because I was a little late and I wanted to be the first one there. I thought: Sixth ave on a Saturday is not so bad, the traffic flows. I'm sitting in the cab around 10th St and nothing's moving. Minutes go by. Traffic inches along not at all. What is the cause for this? An accident? A terrorist attack? Nah. An infernal street fair on none other than 6th Ave and 14th St. Not a little side street, either. Two huge thoroughfares totally blocked by stinky sausages and bad falafel and crepes.
This cannot be. So don't count on my vote unless you ban street fairs forever (only St. Gennaro's, St Anthony's and street fairs with cultural credibility should be allowed, and then again only for the sake of nostalgia).

1 comment:

  1. There was one on my street last weekend. I noticed people weren't buying anything. I bought a huge ball of pink cotton candy on a stick.