Greetings from LA

Earthlings:
I broadcast from Planet Los Angeles, a place I am extremely fond of because of its quirky eccentricities.
The weather could not be more magnificent. Very hot and sultry during the day, what I call Earthquake Weather, and slightly breezy at night, which makes Angelenos go for the heating lamps as if they were in Oslo. What do they know from cold, these blessed creatures, now that the first photo of Suri emerges, wearing a most inauspicious rug on her innocent head, and looking like her very abducted Stepfordian mom. Such are the wanderings of the mind one is subject to in LaLa Land.

As you approach the surface of planet LA:



That's the Grand Canyon to you. If you sit on the right side of the plane, you get to enjoy a most fantastic view. Take the earliest plane possible and you will see it at sunrise. Almost worth the price of the ticket and the offensive, penny pinching service for a 6 hour flight.

Then a yellow dusting of toxic smog covers her like the finest gauze.


First outstanding sighting: a spiritual haven. It's good to be in the realm of the high minded.



Room...



...With a View.



And what's more, at the Bel Age Hotel, which despite ostensible renovations looks exactly the same or worse than in 1994, when I was here last, my next door neighbor is none other than A-list celebrity Peter Bogdanovich, who wearing an ascot, saw me walking out of my room and made what can only be described as a fart face, or the face of someone who is exhausted with having to put up with less renowned members of the species. I actually liked him right until that moment, for his film scholarship plus he is a wonderful teller of anecdotes about Orson Welles. I'm ready to forgive the fart face because of attenuating circumstances.
I am also told, with not inconsiderable enthusiasm, that none other than former C.H.I.P.S. "Patrulla Motorizada" member Erik Estrada is also lodging here.
Take a moment to savor the glamorousness and panache of the whole enterprise, if you please.

After an endless drive to the City of Industry, we capped a working day at that landing strip for aliens otherwise known as the Standard Hotel on Sunset. As you can tell, no aliens were harmed in the reporting of this event.



What, no muslims?