Wednesday, May 10, 2006

I'm very sick

One of the wonderful things about blogging is that you can kvetch about everything with complete abandon. And so, today, dear readers, you must know I'm very sick. It looks like a brutal little virus invaded my stomach and is having a rather rowdy party in there without my consent since yesterday and with no sign of abatement. As every Mexican worth his or her salt, I immediately looked for the cause of the destruction, like Sherlock Holmes searching for clues. In Mexico, friends and acquaintances discuss, usually at lunchtime, the reasons and origins of their various gastrointestinal ailments like people in other countries talk about movies or the weather. The frequency, consistency, and hardship of evacuation of poop is discussed, as are the myriad probable causes (I just had an oyster cocktail from a shack on the street. It looked clean!)
Living in NY, my extensive descriptions of my malady and its origins are apt to bore, if not alarm, my dearest friends. So this is the forum whereby I will discuss my own symptoms with myself. You are cordially invited to stick around and offer your own theories.
First of all, it embarrasses me to say that I cannot blame an outside establishment for my illness. Yesterday I made lunch and dinner for myself, so I must be to blame somehow. My suspicions are directed primarily to the salad I made for lunch. There are three hypotheses currently in vogue:
1. The red leaf lettuce, which looked slightly dejected (but nevertheless overpriced) at the supermarket downstairs. It did come covered in brown soil but I washed it thoroughly. This is my strongest suspicion.
2. I used a Gouda cheese that had been in my fridge from time immemorial but which didn't smell funky, although it did have a slightly disgusting aftertaste, like boiled socks.
3. There was some shrivelled chopped onion left over from another salad.
So I got the runs and decided to pop a Mexican version of Immodium which not only did not help in the least but also gave me terrible gas pains. By the time I took the second pill one and a half hour later I was starting to shiver. I didn't sleep all night.
At this point I've a fever of 100.8, the shivers, joint pain, a headache, my body feels like somebody used it for a punching bag and I've difficulty breathing. It is entirely possible that I poisoned myself because those pills had no expiration date. If I still feel this way tomorrow, I may go to the emerg

Just kidding.

1 comment:

  1. Sleeping Giant10:28 PM

    Oh! Enchiladita! So sorry you don't feel well.

    Perhaps in an unconscious attempt to join in solidarity with your suffering, my husband served us both milk this morning that was WAY past its useful life. I warmed it to make a latte, and it became a yogurt-like substance, but with a funny smell. I tossed mine. In a display of machismo (and pique that I was turning up my nose at something he had offered), he poured his all over a poor, innocent bowl of cereal and ate it all up. I can't believe he was out and about today.

    Feel better!