Tuesday, August 08, 2006

A word of caution about tequila

Stop messing with it! And by that I mean stop blaming it for the Jew-hating rants of a megalomaniac moron, and for scores of alcohol poisonings on Spring Breaks.
Tequila is and always has been the best drink on Earth. Nectar of the Gods. You just have to know how to imbibe it, you morons.
I have given this advice to anybody (and this is lots of people) who tell me they can't even smell it because when they were not of drinking age they guzzled it like beer and then blacked out or puked their guts out. Well, serves them right.
1.
Tequila is not for shots that you ram down your throat with 7Up or Sprite or anything fizzy. Tequila you never, ever ram down your throat, period. Tequila you sip like a civilized human being, enjoying how smoothly it goes down your pipes and makes everything feel good after about five seconds. In Mexico we drink it as an aperitif, before a meal. You can also have lovely shots with a fresh sangrita chaser (tomato juice, lime, chili sauce, worcester sauce, salt and pepper) or with a beer chaser (best, but for pros) or with juicy, plump wedges of lime and salt. Or alone, because lately some tequilas are smooth enough you don't need anything to chase them with.
2.
If you drink Cuervo Gold or Pancho Villa (in Europe, OMG) or some satanic rubbing alcohol called tequila that is not made from 100% agave, you will get a hangover from hell and you'll deserve it. Lately, the tequila marketers got smart and decided to start charging ridiculous prices. A puny shot anywhere in this town is now running 12 to 14 or even 16 bucks. BUT. Worth every penny my friends. You can't be cheap with this stuff, or you will suffer the consequences. Now, if they are charging such usurious amounts for an itsy bitsy shot, why can't they serve it right? In the correct long tequila shot glass called a caballito (little horse), not in a whisky shot glass or in a tumbler. This drives me crazy. And be generous with the limes. You can get good juicy limes from Mexico, so quarter them instead of handing out the anorexic, dried out slivers you get in bars here in NY.
3.
If you must have a margarita, and if it must be (heresy of heresies) like a fucking slushie, please at least ask your bartender to use premium 100% agave tequila.
4.
Margaritas are not pomegranate or strawberry or mango or lichi. They are not made in a machine that looks at home in a Seven Eleven and they should not be on the rocks either. Up and always with salt. That is a real margarita. Made with fresh squeezed lime juice and Triple Sec (Cointreau or Grand Marnier are permitted). I know I sound like a bitch about this, but there are standards. I do not understand people who have margaritas without salt. It's like pizza without cheese.
5.
Patron Gold, Herradura Silver, Gran Centenario Plata: those are some of my favorites.
Tequila, when enjoyed smartly, will make you feel all is well with the world. When abused, you know the drill. It only gets along with beer. Not a good idea to mix it with wine or any other spirits, it is a jealous taskmaster and it has my undivided allegiance.

1 comment:

  1. a la sangrita tambien se le puede poner un poquitin de jugo de naranja.mmm!
    tu hermanita

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